Have you ever said any of the following:
“That’s just my personality” or “I just don’t like to be around people” or “This is just something that’s important to me.”
What if it’s NOT just because, “That’s the way you are?”
What if what really shapes our thinking and desires is…Our Environment and our Experiences?
Cognitive bias is a systematic error in thinking that occurs when people process and interpret information in their surroundings, influencing their decisions and judgments.
For Example:
A person might say, “Marriage isn’t for me” after a tumultuous marriage and divorce but had that same person experienced love and security in that marriage would they have felt the same way?
or
Person A may say: “Money is hard to come by…you really have to hustle but love is easy…I thank God for my family.”
Person B might say: “Money is pretty easy to come by but I love can be elusive.”
What might you conclude regarding the experience of these people?
- Maybe Person A grew up without a lot of money or they saw their parents working really hard to provide but they also felt loved and supported by their family.
- Person B may have been born into affluence but never felt the love and support from their family.
When it comes to having scars (Internal or External) we may adopt some bad habits as well as some quality virtues (we will address the quality virtues that can develop in another post) that have helped us survive our traumatic experiences. In my case, I learned to hide myself with t-shirts and turtlenecks. While clothes may have been someone’s favorite way to express themselves because of my fear of being seen clothing became an area of contempt for me because I didn’t feel free to wear what I desired so I began to look at fashion like it wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t like shopping, I resented swimming suits, tank tops, bras, and even cleavage (because I didn’t have it). I wanted to feel beautiful in my clothes but I didn’t so I made how I dressed less important to me in order to cover up the pain, shame and disappointment I was experiencing. I didn’t begin to feel beautiful in clothes until I’d embraced my scars and didn’t care if anyone saw them. (We will discuss tips on how to embrace your scars in another post)
How about you?
Have you experienced trauma or disappointment in an area and it shifted your perspective? It would be very difficult to not be influenced by experiences you’ve had so I would encourage you the next time you utter the words: “That’s just how I am” or “That’s just what I think” to ask yourself:
- Is what I believe true in ALL cases?
For example: “If you believe that healthy marriages don’t exist” or “No one wants to hire someone with a physical scar” or “You can’t make above a certain amount of money” ask yourself if this is 100% true without any possibilities of it not being true?
If you cannot 100% say that this is true for all people then you can conclude that this is just a mindset and that mindsets can be “set” differently at any time.
Then Jesus said to the centurion, “Go! Let it be done just as you believed it would.” And his servant was healed at that moment. (Matthew 8:13 NIV)
Examine the Root of Your Thoughts:
- Ask yourself: Why do I think this way? What specific experience have I had that would make me believe this to be true? What “scar” may this perspective have been born from?
- Is what I believe serving me (or others) in the highest way possible?
- Take a moment to imagine: “In a perfect world I would like to believe (fill in the blank).” THIS is your true desire. Work on the part of you that needs to be healed in order to believe that what you desire is indeed possible.
It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.
Muhammad Ali
The Conclusion: Sometimes how you feel about a thing and how you behave is based on your experience or observation…not fact!
Examine your thoughts and feelings to see if they are in alignment with what you desire your outcomes to be. If not…work to change your perception…don’t let your perception change the trajectory of your life!